When we first meet someone, we just about instantly get a ‘gut’ reaction that tells us if we like this person or not – if in fact we see them as a friend or a foe. Where does an instinct like that come from, and how does it come up so quickly with such an embracing or damning reaction? More crucially, how can we stack the odds in our favour when we’re going for a new job, and flash a first impression of ‘friend’ into our interviewer’s consciousness?
Without getting into too much technical jargon – it’s commonly known that the brain has two hemispheres; the left deals with logic, and the right with creativity. This is what we know as the new brain or cortex. But there’s also an additional dimension, the pre-historic brain or hypo-thalamus (the brain stem, in fact) which is solely responsible for instincts. This was essential for making split-second life saving decisions in ancient times.
From Switzerland, more recent research names the pre-historic brain as the ‘Gatekeeper’. The Gatekeeper’s sole function is to instantly decide whether someone is a friend or a foe, and not being capable of rational thinking, it judges purely on instinct. If an approach stresses the Gatekeeper, it switches on the fight or flight response, and immediately shuts down all other message receptors. This makes any further attempts at communication impossible. Hence the phrase we use today, ‘you never get a second chance to make a first impression’!
Understanding how this relates to modern life is essential for effective communication. Interviewees must learn to build a ‘Language of Trust’, and as the Gatekeeper doesn’t have the capacity to think, that language isn’t just verbal. In the first 10 to 20 seconds of meeting an interviewer, your instinctive signals must convey the message of a ‘friend’.
Your body language will convey this, with open and relaxed movements, gestures, facial expressions and eye contact. The speed of your speech must be controlled and gentle, and your voice modulation and tone must stay calm. The Gatekeeper’s decision will also be based on your appearance, clothes, smell, enthusiasm and posture. Finally, don’t invade his or her personal space.
The total focus at this stage is to get past the Gatekeeper so you can develop and build rapport, and open the interviewer’s message receptors. Once you’re past this initial first impression, you can get on with the job of developing a relationship with your interviewer, as the gate will be open to what you have to offer.
The Thomas Gordon Institute has done extensive research on communication. They looked at how words, voice, face and body contribute to believability. They came up with the following after measuring the effectiveness of each component of communication:
Facial Expression = 35%, Body Language = 35%, Voice = 23%, Words = 7%.
So actually, the gestures we make, our appearance, and how we deliver our words have more importance than what we actually say. The Gatekeeper, remember, has no capacity for rational thought, just an instinctive reaction evolved from ancient times. The gut-feeling we get is really an ancient brain feeling. Understanding this will ensure you get off to the very best start and help you to take control.
(C) 2009. Try LearningLolly.com for excellent ideas on CBT and CBT Training.